Skinny little me

Before all of this happened I was fit, had a good healthy body weight and looked pretty good if I do say so myself. Then wham! Food smelled and tasted disgusting, I felt sick even when I looked at it because I knew it would be unbearable. So I simply stopped eating!

Then the weight started to come off, slowly at first because there was plenty of muscle for my body to eat away on.  Then my clothes started to get loose, I got bony, had no energy then ended up in A&E with such low blood sugar that I collapsed. My doctor slowly realised it was getting serious when I lost one and a half stone in the space of a few months. My body was starting to shut down, I was literally starving myself to death.  Oops a bit melodramatic here I think, but it was very scary not just for me but lovely husband and family.

I was put on Complan a nutritional dietary supplement, to help me gain weight. But there was this little thing buzzing around in my head by now, telling me if I start drinking this stuff all the time I’ll get too fat. Not a good way to think when you’re already too skinny. And do you know what woke me up and made me smell the roses not!!  My horrible stretchy skin from muscle loss and when my husband said my boobs had gone, and considering they used to be quite ample that was a bit of a shock, and the fact that my lack of muscle there made them look like cows udders!! Aaaannd that I now looked my age or older when anybody I know always thought I was a good few years younger than I actually was.
How ridiculous that it took my vanity rather than my health to realise how ill I actually was.  I took a good look in the mirror and staring back at me was this scrawny fu….  k up women who was not only ruining her own life but also the lives of her loved ones.
So you’ll probably stop reading at this point and think how stupid and selfish I was, and actually I would agree with you I’m ashamed to say.  Psychologically my head was turning to mush and I became very depressed, and physically I was a mess.
Break time now folks…..the next post will be a bit more positive I hope!